Slang Rap Democracy

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Louis Vuitton Acapulco Monogram Stars Sneaker

Yes, these are Louis Vuitton sneakers. And yes, they look atrocious. No, there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. Finally, yes, many a fool will cop these and surely get limited superfluous props off the strength of paying an asinine premium for the privilege of wearing ugly ass Louis Vuitton sneakers.

To each his own, but miss me with these. I’ll keep my $675. [Spotted at High Snobiety]

March 29, 2011 Posted by | Kicks, Lamewatch | , | 1 Comment

VIDEO: D#ck sucking Eddie Long, YA WRONG!

For the record, that’s not my title. It is that of comedienne Cadillac Kimberly and her rant (vid above),  which  is epic-frikkin’-tastic, on the shenanigans of one Bishop Eddie Long,

Yeah yeah, innocent until proven guilty. Well—disregarding the allegations against him for the moment—Long posed and snapped pics of himself in front of a mirror, MySpace style, with spandex tees on like he was bootleg superhero. That ain’t kosher if you have a wife and four kids.. No disrespect if you are a member of the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, but I would suggest y’all audit where your tithes have been going and properly vet Long’s replacement. If y’all even bother getting rid of this jabroni.

Now peep the video below, word to BMF. No one crooked man should have all that power.

September 24, 2010 Posted by | Lamewatch, News | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

VIDEO: Where Da Cash At? x BBW Moulin Rouge Raps

Detroit can boast Elzhi, Royce Da 5’9, Black Milk, Guilty Simpson, Slum Village, J Dilla and many more essential Hip-Hop acts. However, sonic clusterfucks that sabotage all that quality always find a way to thrive.  Enter this suspect rapping meets BBW quasi-porn mess that is “Where Da Cash At?” Sometimes I can really, really hate rap music. So I had to share. [Heads up from SexxieLexxie]

September 9, 2010 Posted by | Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, Music, News | , , , | 2 Comments

Tiger Woods x The Racial Draft – Chappelle’s Show

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Needless to say Eldrick TontTigerWoods isn’t feeling very Cablinasian right now. Someone ask Mos Def if Tiger’s draft rights have been rescinded. Long live Chappelle’s Show.

What I do?

December 1, 2009 Posted by | Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, News, T.V. | , , , , | 3 Comments

When Keepin’ It Kanye Goes Wrong

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I just had to use that line. And to think, I had just been touting the merits of Yeezy not too long ago. The apology has already been made, via his blog. At this time an RIP to Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Hip-Hop’s best award show bumrusher by far, is also in order. [Spotted at MTV]


Kanye Is A Whiny Bitch Tee

Blame it on the...

Blame it on the...

September 14, 2009 Posted by | Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, Music, News, T.V. | , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Foxy Brown Got Jailhouse Perks

Call me Inga.

Call me Inga.

foxyjail1Consider this yet another female rapper FAIL. Well, not if you you’re Foxy Brown, who the NY Post (not the most reliable rag, I know) alleges got jailhouse perks that included a curtain over her cell bars for privacy and unlimited (nice!) phone and TV time. Oh yeah, an XXL Magazine photo shoot too. I wonder what Officer Ricky would think?

You got two prominent female MC’s in the bing now (Remy Ma, Da Brat) and another one whose parole should almost be done (Lil Kim). Luckily Lauryn Hill hasn’t committed any crimes—save for morality due to the whole baby mama of a married Marley thing. But as far as music, Ms. Hill seems to be more a lost cause with every day that goes by. Let’s do better, ladies. [Spotted at Gothamist]

UPDATE: Prison Denies Foxy Brown Received Star Treatment; Investigation Begins [via AllHipHop]

Below, a dope female MC whose never had any warrants.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

June 21, 2009 Posted by | Freshness, Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, Music, News | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sneaker FAIL X Number (N)ine Zip Kicks

F. A. I. L.

F. A. I. L.

With the ample amounts of acceptable sneaker brands out there, why would anyone do this to themselves? The homies at Street Level let me vent my frustrations about this epic shoeware FAIL. [originally spotted at Hypebeast]

June 15, 2009 Posted by | Aqua's Clips, Clothing, Lamewatch, News | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Don’t Free Max B

How much can I record before sentencing?

How much music can I record before sentencing?

So Max B a/k/a Wavy Crockett was found guilty of murder conspiracy and robbery charges today. It looks like Biggavelli will be facing life with his sentencing set for July 31. Max’s downfall, besides plotting to rob two dudes, which ended up with one of them getting murked, was his girlfriend dropping dime on his criminal enterprise, if you can call it that.

Okay, so homegirl is a snitch. Duh. That still doesn’t change the fact that everyone involved was in on getting someone killed. So all the “Free Max B!” chants that are sure to have already started are asinine. Hip-Hop listeners—I won’t say it’s a “Hip-Hop” thing, per se—are quick to be on some Free (insert incarcerated rapper’s name here) ish despite the said MC possessing dirtbag tendencies which determined his or her incarcerated fate.

foxy-brown-mug-shotTwo examples: Foxy Brown had anger management issues coupled with unmatched narcissism that made her think assaulting nail salon workers was all good while Remy Ma put two hot slugs in her homie’s gut over some allegedly missing cash. [more after vid]

Why all the glorification of degenerate behavior? People in the hood—or the world in general, really—have long had a fascination with the criminal element (think Menace II Society to The Godfather). Most people aren’t built to live a life a crime, so the next best thing to idolizing actual criminal masterminds is blindly adoring musicians who usually act out their own illicit fantasies via music.

Also, saying “Free Max B” makes for a nice catchphrase, which is too prevalent in Hip-Hop (i.e. Stop Snitching, Hip-Hop is Dead, Keep it Real, etc.) Either way; do the crime, do the time. Lastly, considering considering his commentary below and at Rap Radar, Max’s lawyer has failed.

June 9, 2009 Posted by | Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, Music, News | , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Rappers Still Shinin’…Barely

Sure about that?

Sure about that?

The recession is cramping the style of hip-hop artists and wannabes — many of whom are finding it difficult to afford the diamond-encrusted pendants and heavy gold chains they have long used to project an aura of outsized wealth.” —Michael Bustillo (Wall Street Journal)

So the Wall Street Journal, of all places, dropped a piece on the recession having an adverse effect on rapper’s jewelry. Seems like your fav ghetto griots have been forced to use lower grade diamonds or inferior ores. The horror.

Biz_MarkieBut really, for years now those in the know, or with common sense, have realized that all those shines these rappers are wearing are usually either borrowed or bootlegged.

And really, only rappers wear that gaudy ish. Okay, ball players do too. The irony is that these aforementioned groups of bejeweled individuals that take pride in looking ridiculous (peep Soulja Boy on The View for confirmation) stay getting robbed or extorted for all that bling. In the hood, you will rock expensive ish because you have enough clout that people won’t think about testing you. On the flip, buying your cred via a record deal makes you a tasty meal for the wolves. You’d think they would have figured it out by now.

And who is laughing at these cats, besides me and Gawker? The people with real wealth; as in tangible assets, like a home.

Funniest thing about the article, though— no doubt because of the WSJ’s style manual—is that whenever a rapper is mentioned their “government” name is also revealed. Lil Jon’s middle name is Mortimer. See, comedy.

I’m a diamond, you’re a cubic zirconia.” —Smooth B (Nice-N-Smooth)

May 26, 2009 Posted by | Freshness, Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, News | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rick Ross, Latest Hip-Hop Bootlegger


So the Bawse, Rick Ross, got called out by the powers that be at Louis Vuitton over those fraudulent specs he sported on his recent XXL Mag cover. Seeing that Ross initially and foolhardedly denied his past as a Correction Officer, the Internets is abuzz over his latest faux pas.

But really, Hip-Hop heads sporting bootleg gear isn’t anything new. O.G. rap fans will remember the infinite shout outs given to one Dapper Dan [via Iced Dot Com]; a Harlem clothing shop owner and designer infamous for his skill at creating Hip-Hop stylized takes on designer labels like Gucci, MCM or even Nike.

followtheleaderFor example, those track suits and jackets sported on the cover of some of your favorite Eric B & Rakim albums, were as counterfeit as the day is long.

Since then the Hip-Hop generation has flexed it tastemaker muscle with artists like Kanye West (Nike, Louis Vuitton) and Pharrell Williams (Louis Vuitton)—can’t forget grand Puba and the Tommy Hilfiger too—getting the official co-sign from and even producing sanctioned lines for some of these brands.

The beauty of Hip-Hop is taking some otherwise milquetoast product, putting our fresh stamp on it, and making it that much more desirable to the wannabes (read: mainstream) hawking our steez.

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not giving the Bawse a pass on this one. Those frames were hella tacky looking anyway (there is only one Undisputed King of Cheap Sunglasses). And if you think that more rappers than not are rocking the genuine article as opposed to  Canal Street Specials, you’re lying to yourself.

That reminds of another of my greatest fashion peeves. The rocking of some grotesquely horrible piece of clothing with the wearer’s only defense for his suspect garb an excuse along the lines of, “But it’s Polo, yo.” Fugg outta here.

UPDATE: Rick Ross Explanation on Shades [via AllHipHop]

May 11, 2009 Posted by | Clothing, Hip-Hop, Lamewatch, News | , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments